


those ocean eyes

by snailguy



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Magic Revealed, bg gwen/lancelot/arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29095674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snailguy/pseuds/snailguy
Summary: his face was carefully blank, jaw tight and brow just barely furrowed. he didn’t know how he felt.merlin was a sorcerer, and a pretty powerful one at that.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	those ocean eyes

**Author's Note:**

> hi hgjfhd this is my first real attempt at a fic so it very well may suck but!!!! it was fun to do idc  
> gwaine might be a bit ooc in this, i'm not sure???
> 
> title is inspired by ocean eyes by billie eilish hjgdhj the song doesn't really related to the fic at all lol i just thought the whole blue eyes turning gold thing held some significance (it's not actually mentioned in the fic but idk i'm a MESS)

merlin trudged through the forest, idly wondering what he did for the gods to hate him so much. 

arthur had once again been enchanted by some pillock out for the throne, completely ignorant of the fact that merlin, as per usual, was the one who had to clean the mess up and then cover his tracks and probably suffer the stocks for his absence and he really just wanted to go to sleep. he kicked at the ground as he went, venting his anger out on unsuspecting leaves and fallen branches and grumbling treason under his breath.

after what felt like hours of stumbling through the godforsaken undergrowth in the pitch black and wanting to die, merlin finally made it to the clearing that had become his and kilgharrah’s clandestine meeting place. how their encounters remained unknown with kilgharrah’s inconsiderately large head (literal and metaphorical, but don’t tell him he said that) reaching high above the surrounding canopy of trees and being well in view of the soldiers guarding the citadel from the curtain wall, merlin would never know, but he wasn’t complaining. he only hoped the cryptic dragon would pause his unhelpful and quite frankly overwhelming recitings of destiny and prophecy for once and actually speak in a way that an overworked, overtired country boy such as merlin could understand right now.

let’s just say he wasn’t prepared to stake his life on such a thing happening.

pulling himself out of his sleepy musings, merlin tugged at that string of magic inside himself, at the bond he shared with kilgharrah, and let something akin to a roar slip past his lips:

“o drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!” 

==

gwaine gaped in a mixture of shock and awe at the sight before him. 

this was not at all what he had been expecting when he made the decision to follow his train-wreck of a friend through the woods at what could only be considered a terribly unreasonable time of night. like, off topic but really, what was merlin thinking? it should be considered a crime to be up and about at this hour. and gwaine was well-versed in breaking the law so he felt he was on pretty solid grounds for declaring such a thing. but honestly. merlin looked dead on his feet, stumbling along the unmarked path and cursing his majesty (read that in the most sarcastic drawl you can) in a low voice. 

but on the topic of more pressing matters, what the fuck.

gwaine had to knock himself over the head a couple times to make sure he wasn’t still drunk and seeing things, but no, his friend, loyal manservant of the king, really did just roar. because apparently he could do that. why not.

what made him tense, however, was the jumble of words that followed the unhuman sound. gwaine had lived the life of a nomad long enough to recognise the foreign tongue of the old religion. and he had spent enough time in camelot on top of that to make the safe assumption that sorcerers living here were usually intent on seeing the kingdom fall.

merlin was a sorcerer, and a pretty powerful one at that. 

gwaine could practically feel it from his place behind one of the trees circling the grassy clearing, the warmth and soothingness of it almost palpable. his face was carefully blank, jaw tight and brow just barely furrowed. he didn’t know how he felt.

before he had time to unpack all of that, he heard the rhythmic beating of wings somewhere above his head, his gut hollow with dread. merlin noticed it too, his face splitting into a relieved grin, head tilted upwards. wind battered the trees as a scaly figure lowered itself into the clearing with surprising grace for its size, and it was only when the creature folded its wings behind its back and lifted its long, elegant neck that gwaine saw it for what it was. 

a dragon. 

“kilgharrah, old friend,” merlin said by way of greeting, surprisingly at ease for a man faced with a fucking dragon. the dragon- kilgharrah- bowed its head. “merlin.”

“i need your help.”

“i’d never have guessed,” it sneered, but it lacked heat, sounded almost fond. “what is it you need?”

merlin gave an apologetic smile. “arthur’s been enchanted. love spell, i think”

so that’s why the king had been acting completely looney. and, gwaine thought with faint amusement, why he’d caught gwen and lancelot looking particularly morose this last week.

kilgharrah huffed, looking almost tired. gwaine had the sneaking suspicion that this had happened quite a few times. “do gaius’ books not provide anything?” it rasped.

“do you think i’d be here if they did?”

“i'm wounded; i thought my company was reason enough to call for me.”

merlin laughed, “can you help or not?”

gwaine sunk to the floor, his back to the tree. he let his head tip back and closed his eyes. 

his friend, merlin, the bumbling manservant of king arthur of camelot, the kingdom with strict laws against magic, was stood not a mile away from the castle itself, talking to a dragon. and had clearly been doing so for quite some time. guilt ate at gwaine as he let thoughts of betrayal run through his head. he didn’t even want to consider the possibility of it; how could kind, sweet merlin ever be evil?

this was the man who made flower crowns on his rare days off, who would have full-blown conversations with animals and cried over unicorns dying, who learnt the ins and outs of and picked herbs for gaius because he noticed the old man’s knees were starting to creak, who always put himself last and stuck to the shadows, never seeking any credit even for the smallest things, just to see everybody else happy. arthur would call him a girl; gwaine would say there wasn’t an evil bone in his body.

his mind was at war with itself, thoughts of trusting merlin to be the man he made himself out to be and dragging him back to the castle to kneel before his king and explain himself clashing and clawing at eachother, head swimming and stomach uneasy.

he thought of the consequence of practicing magic in camelot: of the burnings, beheadings and hangings. arthur had yet to sentence anyone to death in his time as king nor prince regent, but gwaine had seen his fair share of executions- few and far between but still too many- and the screams of the condemned would never leave him. they were a constant presence, his shoulders heavy with the weight of it. he thought of merlin: of his head rolling on the courtyard floor, or his body heavy and limp and donning rope burns and blood on the soft skin of his throat. he thought of his charred remains, oozing and unrecognisable as the wood of the pyre turned to ash around him.

he thought of merlin dead.

gwaine didn’t want to see merlin dead.

behind him, gwaine heard the dragon grumbling its farewells before hefting itself into the air, the harsh tattoo of its thrashing wings forcing him back into the moment. he stood hastily, his back flush to the tree as he peered around it to watch merlin exit the clearing. only to stop short, looking this way and that and straining his ears for any signs of movement. his efforts were futile, though, and without warning he found himself thrown against the tree opposite him, the breath gone from him, just barely managing to avoid cracking his head on the rough bark. gwaine groaned, blinking in an effort to stop his sight from spinning. he heard the crunch of footsteps heading towards him.

"gwaine?"

==

merlin watched kilgharrah leave, his smile falling and the ache in his bones making itself known once again. he sighed to himself. back to arthur and gaius and destiny and an endless lists of chores, he thought. do the gods realise there are only so many candle marks in a day?

he made to enter the shelter of the forest, ready to go home to his shared chambers with gaius, curl up in his cot and sleep for the next year. he’d prefer two, but he felt that might be pushing it. a scuffle from behind one of the nearby trees made him pause mid-step, muscles tense. he hated that it had become instinct to assume the worst in every situation, trying to convince himself it was just an animal or a fallen branchlet and failing. he huffed a little at his own anxious antics, followed immediately by giving into them because he’s a little bitch boy. he slipped into a (half-hearted) defensive stance, trying to ignore his aching, tired bones as he crept towards the tree in question, palm facing outwards and ready to strike. 

he paused a hair’s breadth away from the gnarled trunk and held his breath. 

and there it was. nearly imperceptible but there. 

tense, shallow breathing, and it wasn't his own. merlin indulged himself in a brief moment of panic at the thought of someone finding out about his magic and his position as the last dragonlord before standing taller and exhaling slowly. he quickly stepped around the tree with his hand out in front of him, magic pulsating in his fingertips. letting it out in a rush, he pushed the person up against another tree, eyes burning gold.

merlin looked up, not at all expecting the sight he was met with.

"gwaine?"

gwaine grunted, hand groping at the tree behind him. merlin winced, tense, a string of apologies on the tip of his tongue.

"i suppose i should've seen that one coming," gwaine mumbled, pulling himself upright.

merlin stammered, "gwaine, god, i'm so sorry, i didn't- i'm-"

"merlin," gwaine interrupted gently, looking up at him with a soft, if uneasy smile ,"it's okay." 

merlin choked. "okay? gwaine, i could've broken something! i have magic!" he hesitated even as he said it, fearing the outcome. 

"yeah, we need to talk about that, by the way."

the warlock paled, ducking his head. "what are you going to do with me?" he asked quietly.

it was silent for a moment, tense and uncomfortable and he wanted to cry. he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, the metallic taste of it flooding his mouth. 

in the last few months, gwaine had become perhaps one of merlin's closest friends, carefully slotting into the place left empty by lancelot's sacrifice. he was a constant, comforting presence; always kind, always patient. he never pushed, never expected anything in return and it made merlin's gut burn with the sheer guilt it made him feel. gwaine had confided in him in so many ways, so many times, and merlin knew he wasn't here for arthur. he may have pledged his allegiance to the king but he stayed for merlin, not arthur, because he believed in him, trusted him. and here merlin was, only spilling his secrets because he'd been caught red-handed and would be foolish to try denying it. 

he didn't know how long they stood there for, remorse clogging his lungs and eyes brimming with tears, before gwaine finally spoke. the words were slow and hesitant, the internal battle the knight was facing blatant. it only furthered the kicking guilt merlin felt.

"that's up to you, merlin."

merlin's face scrunched up in confusion. "me? how?"

gwaine eyes met his and this time when he spoke, there wasn't an ounce of doubt in his words. "tell me everything and we can go from there."

merlin could've sobbed from the pure gratitude he felt. he was being given a chance, something he'd never let himself hope for. he wondered if he even deserved it, deserved gwaine, but he wasn't going to let it go to waste.

"i was born with it," he started, not missing the way the other man's eyes widened. "i have never, would never, use it to harm camelot and her people. i've only ever used it for good, i swear it. since i arrived in camelot, i've been using it to protect arthur." he gave a hesitant laugh, "you wouldn't believe how often he nearly loses his head in a week."

gwaine's lips curled upwards ever so slightly. "i have some idea."

merlin let a wavering smile grace his face for a second, before turning solemn. "i'm really sorry, gwaine."

the knight nodded slightly in acknowledgement, but his gaze was questioning. "why did you come to camelot? if what you're saying is true-" merlin winced at the (well-deserved) slight "-then your very existence is a crime. you could die."

"my mother sent me," merlin said, "i'd had nobody to help me understand my magic, and as a result it wasn't very .. controlled. she knew someone in camelot who could help me gain that control."

realisation dawned on gwaine's face. "gaius."

merlin nodded hesitantly. "please don't tell anyone of his part in it. you can expose me all you like, but not gaius. spare me that at least."

"i'm not going to tell anyone. about you or him."

merlin gawked at him, eyes near brimming with tears. "you're serious? but-"

"-but nothing," gwaine stopped him. "what kind of a knight would i be if i condemned an innocent man to death?"

this time, merlin wasn't able to stop the sob that escaped him. his knees felt weak and his head dizzy, the relief and gratitude and happiness overwhelming. 

gwaine caught him when he crumpled, holding him as he cried into his shoulder. merlin gripped him desperately, fingers curled into the wool of his shirt. "thank you," he wept, "thank you, thank you, thank you."

gwaine shushed him, blinking back his own tears. "it's alright, i've got you. it's okay. you're okay."

it wasn't perfect, they still had a lot to talk about, but they'd be okay. merlin couldn't have hoped for anything more.

**Author's Note:**

> no beta, all mistakes are my own!! sorry not sorry for the complete lack of capital letters, i jjust think they're really ugly so i simply did not use them  
> also i have no idea how to use italics on here which sucks because i used so many in this but oh well LOL


End file.
